Men’s rugby nearly beats Middlebury

This past weekend, the glorious White Dawgs of Williams College squared off against the lecherous, backstabbing, Fijian recruiting “Blue-Horned Poisonous Toads” from Middlebury. The uncouth philistines from Middlebury had beaten the White Dawgs’ A-side last fall, in an epic battle that went to double overtime before being decided in favor of the Toads.

This past Saturday proved to be just as intense a competition, as the two top teams in the New England Rugby Division II Conference fought for the conference championship, unfortunately resulting in the same outcome as last fall, Toads 20 – White Dawgs 7.

The A-side game witnessed an unparalleled display of heart and courage by the White Dawg players, who suffered their first and only defeat of the season.

Playing on Middlebury’s home field, on Alumni Weekend at a school that spends all of its money on its sports teams, the White Dawg players were subjected to childish acts of name-calling and unfunny insults from the Toads’ alumni and fans, who were drunker then Ted Kennedy on a Friday night.

Williams Match Secretary, Fancy Peter Walke ’01, described how he felt about Middlebury, “I don’t know about this pretend rivalry they have with us. I guess they hate us, but we don’t really care about them, Amherst is our rival.

“It’s really pathetic that there aren’t any other schools that like them and are willing to be their rival.”

The lone try for the Williams A-side was rammed in by eight-man Ian “Kareem” Lewis ’01, who increased his scoring streak to four games in a row.

Lewis commented on the game, “We scored fewer points than them today, and I guess that means that we lost.”

“I don’t really agree with that concept, because we played so much better than them, and we’re so much cooler than they are. I think that the referee should have awarded us a victory.”

The White Dawgs’ A-side performance was also marked by strong play from props Thomas “Blood” Kramer ’03 and Justin “Salty” Reliford ’03. Ryan “Powder Monkey” Kurlinski ’01 and John “Spartacus” Crowely-Delman ’01 anchored the A-side line, which handily contained the infamous Middlebury outside-center, Apelli, a ringer from Fiji.

Apelli was heard explaining why he decided to attend Middlebury, “One time at band camp in Fiji, I had an accident with my flute, and I was banished to America.”

The B-side game was another glorious display of the White Dawgs’ heart and courage, as the Williams B-side played through wind, rain and hale, to fall 8-5 to the Toads’ B-side.

Sage C JA, rugby super-fan and WUFO star Garry Sanders ’02 exclaimed after watching the B-side game, “Wow, I never realized how lame WUFO was until I watched a game of rugby. I want to play with balls. I’m sick of tossing a disc to and fro, prancing around the field like a pixie from A Midsummer’s Night Dream.”

The Middlebury Toads struck first in the B-side game, taking advantage of the sun and the nice weather. But as the game progressed and the weather became rainier and colder, the Toads B-side began to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Playing through hale the size of Monica Lewinsky, and a wind so strong that it blew away some of the weaker Middlebury players, Zakariah “PF” Haviland ’04, deposited the ball into the try-zone for the White Dawgs five points.

Zakariah, who grew up on a farm tending to and feeding pigs, commented on his score.

“Playing rugby and chasing down opponents is no different from chasing down a pig, who isn’t in the mood to eat at dinner time. You must have plenty of energy and be forceful.”

Other players who deserve notable mention for their performances on B-side were freshman John Arendshorst, Devon Fitzgibbons, Broderick “Booty” Dunn, and Neil Hoffman.

Ariel Zetlin-Jones, Galen Thorp and Matthew Dahlman also contribute with strong tackling and solid runs.