Your Opinionated Neighborhood Sports Columnist

Sports are easy to write about. Gives me plenty of opportunities to wax philosophic on any number of topics. As my esteemed professor Grant Farred has told me in passing (or in our class that I am hopefully passing), I have succeeded in making subjects such as losing triumphant and profound. But he also told me that losing is neither of these things, and additionally that I “suck.” He then told me that it was a joke. He is “always already” kidding, you know.

Sports can also be tiresome. Professional sports are doing the job hyping themselves without my small-time help. I could write about Williams sports. But I have done that, and right now I would have trouble finding a whole lot of positive things to say about a school that closes down one of the only nighttime social spaces that has quasi-worked. Incidentally, I just heard that the College has put additional faculty housing in Baxter. The only problem is that the people living there are vegetarians, so from now on the snack bar will stop serving meat after 11pm. What a bummer, oh well, I guess everyone else can just sit in their rooms and eat hamburgers. Right.

The only thing I have going for me, if I have anything, is that I don’t even really need to go out anymore. There’s this program that sets up contacts for me and alerts me if the light is green. All without my lifting a finger. It’s called Matchmaker, and I think it may be the solution everyone is looking for. Why does it matter if we have no parties or places to meet and hang out? We have a computer setting up our dates for us. It eliminates all of the walking around and talking, no more curmudgeons.

Most people on campus work during the week, so that they can go out on weekends or Thursday. With Matchmaker, you can conserve your time as efficiently as possible. I don’t have to worry about asking out that girl from class, since I can just log in and see if my interest is reciprocated. Take no chances. Don’t be cash-poor. Choose not to choose. I’m being too hard on something that has good intentions, and for that I feel bad. I don’t want to be one of the growing numbers of people on this campus who have no sense of humor whatsoever. Standup comedians cannot do their shows without being told they are offensive and misogynistic. I believe standup comedy is at it’s best when it shocks or offends people. It is an art form.

If you are angry enough to voice an opinion against it, then you have taken the time to categorize logically exactly why you believe it is wrong, and this process has value. Forcing yourself to examine why you believe what you believe, and reaffirm the values that are truly important to you, is a procedure that has merit. Comedians, good ones at least, do this. If the person is using language that is truly flagrant enough to resemble advocating crime or deviant behavior, then that person is no longer acting in a responsible manner. However, I think we need to be careful how many times we play that card.

Okay, let’s recap. Matchmaker is supposed to makes things easier for us, the Log is closed, comedians should never come here and the housing draw made my life a living hell for better part of last week. And I am not a sports columnist.