One in 2000: Davida Kutscher

Name: Davida Kutscher ’03

Place of Origin: Israel until age seven, Long Island since.

Current Residence: Sage E.

Five Favorite Movies: Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy, Better Off Dead, PCU, The Sting and The Sandlot or Wayne’s World.

We live on the same landmass. I’m from Brooklyn.

Brooklyn! MCA’s from Brooklyn.

MCA?

Beasties.

Boys?

Yes.

You like the Beastie Boys?

Obviously.

What’s it like in Israel?

School six days a week.

Is that why you left?

No. Israel is gorgeous; men in uniform all over the place.

You were seven!

No. When I was fifteen I went back to visit. That’s more appropriate.

I guess. Do you have a thing for men in uniform?

Sure! I’m only human.

Any uniforms in particular?

Milkman, ice cream man, it all does it.

Did the ice cream man turn you on when you were a kid?

Mr. Softee? Oooooooh yeah.

What do you think of Tom Jones’s cover of “Burning Down the House” with The Cardigans?

Yeah, unfortunately I’ve heard it…I think the Talking Heads, if they were dead, would roll over in their graves. But they’re alive. Since they’re alive I guess they’re just [upset].

I really like it.

I’m sorry. I happen to love the original.

He did another song with Robbie Williams. Do you find him attractive?

No!

Are you sure?

That British guy? He’s a dork. I saw him on the Daily Show. He’s such a tool.

What century are we in?

The 20th.

Do you really believe that?

Yes! It’s still the 20th century. There’s no year zero. Okay?

Are the 2000s everything you expect them to be?

They are just as lame as I thought they’d be.

Did you think something cool would happen?

No, because years are arbitrary. The universe does not conform to our calendar.

What about when you were a kid?

Well, in Israel, we’re in the 5000s, so 2000 is nothing.

Did you have cartoons?

Of course!

What was your favorite?

Hmmm… My favorite show was a cartoon. It was Degrassi Junior High.

So you watched Degrassi in Israel.

There are three channels in Israel and two of them are in Arabic, so we didn’t have much choice in what to watch.

Did you have a favorite superhero?

Not really. No, wait. I liked G.I. Joe. And Transformers. I still have a Transformers doll my friend gave me.

Now you live in Long Island. Is it true the public school have air conditioning?

Some rooms do, yes.

Do you miss the snow?

No. I’m not a skier.

Skier?

That’s the only reason I can imagine liking the snow.

You don’t think it looks pretty?

No.

You’re a very dismal person.

I’m in a bad mood!

Why?

‘Cause [censored]. Don’t print that.

‘Cause [censored], I won’t. Enjoying your second semester?

Super. Thanks for asking.

How are classes?

Two and two. Two are good and two are abominable.

Is it easier after first semester?

Yeah. It took me a semester to adjust.

Any last words you want to say before I kill you?

The nipples of Mother Hope have run dry.