Forty’s House o’ Fun

We’re pleased to welcome those of you who are just joining our program, Yes, I am a Millionaire, already in progress. We apologize for the interruption of our regularly scheduled programming and hope you enjoyed our presentation of The Clinton Family on Ice. Now we take you live to our host, Regis Philbin. Regis?

Regis: Thank you Mr. Voice! We’re here with our contestant, former NBA great and golf legend Michael Jordan, who is about to answer his final question. Remember, if he answers this question correctly, he wins a million dollars that he absolutely doesn’t need! Michael, are you ready?

MJ: Yes.

Regis: Fantastic! Now Michael, the question is…are you sure you’re ready?

MJ: Yes.

Regis: Alrighty then! Your question is: Why did you recently purchase part ownership in the Washington Wizards? Was it A, to become a powerful and successful NBA executive?

MJ: A.

Regis: Michael, you have to wait until I give you all of the answers. Now, was it B, you just can’t get enough of those cheerleaders comparing you to Magic Johnson?

MJ: Regis, I’m a married…

Regis: Michael, you’re going to have to stop interrupting me while I’m trying to tell you why you might have bought the Wizards.

MJ: But I know why I bought …

Regis: Hey! I won’t tell you again. Was it C, the YMCA Men’s league doesn’t provide enough competition to practice with?

MJ: I don’t play at the…

Regis: Michael, I said I won’t tell you again, and I won’t. Don’t interrupt me. Now, finally, was it D, a jar of almonds?

MJ: Excuse me?

Regis: Is that your final answer?

MJ: What answer? I haven’t answered yet?

Regis: Are you sure?

MJ: What are you talking about? This show is ridiculous!

Regis: This is a lot of money, Mike. Do you really want to risk it on that answer?

MJ: Are you on drugs? I haven’t answered yet, except when you told me to wait for you to give me the answers. I haven’t picked one.

Regis: And that is the beauty of this game. Are you nervous? I mean, I know you don’t need the money, but it’s still a lot.

MJ: Regis, I don’t want anything to do with this. I’m taking my money and leaving.

Regis: Are you sure?

MJ: Aarghhh!!!

Regis: Well, that’s all for tonight folks. Now Michael, before you go…

Thank you, Regis, for that fascinating line of questioning. At this time, we’d like to thank all of our sponsors, particularly the Fix’n Hold line of geriatric dental products and Uses for Mousses, Regis Philbin’s hairspray company. We now take you to Bob Costas, live at Yankee stadium. Bob? (whispering offstage) And cut…Hey, can we get Pat Sajak in here? This guy is terrible…

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