One in 2000

Home: Needham, MA

Williams residence: Sage E

What’s up with the weather?

It’s really nice out, and I like it a lot, so I’m not going to question it.

What’s your most embarrassing nickname?

Well, one girl calls me ‘Joel’, for no apparent reason. She says I look like a Joel.

So is that embarrassing?

No. I guess I don’t have an embarrassing nickname.

More fun to watch: football or baseball?

Baseball.

Why?

Because you have the hope that the Red Sox will win, and they don’t.

You’re a Red Sox fan.

Yes, I am.

Who’s your favorite player?

Pedro.

Do you think at some point that computers will be so central to human experience that they will influence evolution, and we’ll all be really fat, or have more fingers?

No, I do not. Well, maybe to an extent, but not to the extreme that you put it. Everyone likes to do enjoy in nature, and that will never change: it’s part of our heritage for thousands of years. Eventually computers may control so much of life that it will give us more time to just enjoy what we’d like to be doing, like reading.

What do you think of the questions I’m asking you?

Very varied, and scary.

What’s your favorite book or piece of literature?

Is there going to be a “why?” after this?

No.

I think Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.

Why?

Trickery! I read it in 10th grade. I guess it’s about a way of thinking about the world, a world that’s really great and perfect, and not as sheltered as my suburban life.

The “finger” command on colrain; invasive or necessary?

The “finger” command?

Well, you know, you can type in a command to colrain and basically stalk people from your computer, and find out where they last logged on…

That shouldn’t be allowed!

So what do you think about it?

I don’t think colrain should be giving people access to where I last was! But I don’t really get my mail from anywhere but my room.

What are you afraid of?

Snakes.

Poisonous, or all kinds?

All of them. I don’t like the way they look. And I think drowning would be the worst way to die, so I’m scared of that.

Do you know how to swim?

Yeah – I’m on the swim team. But I really think, well – like, in a hard practice, when you’re supposed to not breathe, you feel like you’re losing air, it’s scary.

Well, what about being bitten by a snake, to death?

Yeah, well, that’d be bad too. You know, it’s like when you’re little, and you see Indiana Jones fall into a pit of snakes, and it becomes a real fear for you.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever gotten while trick-or-treating?

Well, people in my neighborhood were pretty normal…

You never got anything weird?

Well, once I got an apple, and that’s kind of weird. You know, that’s not a treat. It’s healthy.

Do you think it’s strange that we have a maxim that you’re not supposed to take candy from strangers, but Halloween’s all about taking candy from strangers? Don’t you think some sinister stranger could take advantage of the holiday?

Interesting. I’ve never thought of that, but yeah, I guess it’s strange.

Will this change the way you view Halloween candy?

No.

Well, I’m glad you remained safe.

Thanks.

Can guys and girls really be “just friends”?

Yes.

You don’t think there’s necessarily sexual tension?

Well, no, not necessarily. You can be friendly with someone – well, like, when you grow up with someone, you see her as a friend. But sometimes, well, I can see why people say that – I can sometimes see it, but you can be just friends.

What’s your biggest vice?

I don’t have a vice.

Oh, it must be lying then.

Well, I guess it could be procrastination. And I will say that sometimes, I can be jealous.

Do you think that it’s your tragic flaw?

Well, it potentially could be.

Will you write for Features?

Absolutely.

Yes! What’s your favorite movie?

Field of Dreams. Want a popular culture one? I can come up with that, too.

No, that’s ok. What kind of music do you refuse to listen to?

Extremely hard, heavy metal. I just won’t listen to it. I’ll just go away, or like, strangle the person.

Wow. Psycho.

Well, it was a little hyperbole there. I’d first try a more of a walk-away thing.

What if you were locked in the room?

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Is there anything else you’d like to say?

Anything?

Anything.

I would like to say that Pedro and Ramon Martinez will lead the Red Sox to victory next year. Also, I really love Williams College.

What’s the one thing you said you’d never say?

Go Yankees!

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