Current Residence: Dennett 311
Place of Origin: Tolland, Connecticut. (“It’s not toe-land. A lot of people make that mistake.”)
Five Favorite Movies: Dances With Wolves, Titanic, Braveheart, Schindler’s List, Shakespeare in Love.
What did you do this summer?
I pretty much had a paintbrush in my hand this summer. Or a hammer.
What were you doing?
Well, if I had a paintbrush in my hand it would sort of imply that I was painting. And in fact I was painting.
What were you painting?
I was painting houses. Inside and outside.
Anything exciting happen to you this summer?
I got bitten by a crab. On Cape Cod. It was actually a very traumatic experience. I was standing there in the bay, ankles in the water and it’s peaceful and quiet and I’m looking out into the sunset and the water’s warm and around my feet and all of a sudden I feel this thing clamp down on my big toe. Naturally I sort of freaked out and I pulled my foot back real fast. Fortunately the crab came off and I ran screaming out of the water. Then I realized it had to be a crab.
But you don’t know that for a fact.
I’m guessing it was a crab but I can’t be sure. It could be any variety of marine animal.
What’s it like being back?
It’s good to be back. It’s not quite as interesting as freshman year, of course. Mission life, I’ve found it to be acceptable.
Not as good as Morgan life, where I was last year but fine nonetheless. Better than being at home.
What do you think of Kansas’ new law that bans the teaching of evolution in their school?
Right, right, right. You know that’s interesting because that’s approaching the same subject as the very famous Scopes trial back several decades ago when it was determined in the actual Scopes trial that – it was the same ruling, in fact – that evolution could not be taught in school. I believe it was Clarence Darrow who argued against the teaching. In that case he won that battle but, of course, lost the war because as we know from anyone who takes Bio 101 or 102, you’re taught plenty of evolution. . . Personally, as a man of science myself, I think teaching of evolution in school is a good thing. I’m not saying teachers have to push this theory onto their students but just to make them aware of the theory.
What do you think about it in light of starting a new millennium?
We’re going into the proverbial “future” and they are taking a step back – if you call it a step back. Well, personally, yes, I’d agree it is a step back. I’d hate to call it an anti-scientific step but that’s what it is in fact, which might be a dangerous step to take at the dawning of a new millennium.
We have this little hurricane going on.
What’s its name?
I thought it was Fred.
What could you have called it?
I don’t know but Floyd sounds kind of funny. Like the uncle I never had, or something.
Crazy Uncle Floyd?
Yeah. Yeah, crazy. Like a hurricane is. Where’s Floyd at the moment?
Maine, I think. Now, my question is –
Speaking of Maine! When you drive into Maine you see a sign that says, it says, “Maine: The Way Life Should Be.” Now that is a beautiful sign! Isn’t it? “The Way Life Should Be.” That is so simple and so eloquent and it describes the state of Maine so well. That’s what I think of when I think of Maine.
Ok. But what I was going to ask you, we have hurricane Floyd, one of the biggest hurricanes ever. Had it gone through Florida it would have destroyed our space program, it’s bigger than Texas, it shut down New York City. With that and the Y2K Virus, do you think these are all …?
You’re suggesting these are apocalyptic events?
Is it a possibility?
Absolutely not. The year 2000 is no different than any other year except we like to put 2 with three zeroes after it to describe it. . . That’s how we like to describe it because we could just as easily subscribe to the Jewish calendar or the Roman calendar and it would be the year 2000, 3000, whatever by those calendars.
Is there anything you want me to ask you about?
Hmm. . . alarm clocks.
Tell me about alarm clocks.
I have four of them.
I don’t always wake up by the first one, or the second or the third one. That’s why I need four of them. To make sure I wake up for class.
Are they all synchronized?
Yes. Within one or two seconds at the moment.
What do you want to tell the campus?
If you see a guy running around in a black cape, that would be me. It’s a long cape and it’s shiny, it’s got this silky look to it, so as not to confuse me with some other guy wearing a black cape. Also, if you see somebody talking to squirrels, that would be me also. I don’t know what I talk to them about because it’s in squirrel language. I was able to actually call a squirrel the other day. He was on a hill and I called him down, across the grass right onto the sidewalk where I was standing and he actually came with 12 to 14 inches of me. I had to be very still so he wouldn’t run away.