Sugar and Spice

Dodd – who knew? This past Saturday night, Dodd came out of nowhere with a fab bash. Maybe they didn’t deliver exactly 424 people as promised, but no one really noticed as we were all too busy to care. Across campus an even wilder party was raging in the Berkshire Quad – Queer Bash ’98, baby. Where else can you literally shed everything (even your inhibitions) and get lauded for it? For those of you who missed the soiree, and those of you who are still living it, check out the recap from Chuck Munyon ’00 in the section this week. Also not to be overlooked is the solid performance by you-know-where, where Cancun was brought back from the dead just one more time. Plentiful beverages and extremely hospitable hosts (towards some girls more than others) more than made up for the weak tunes.

This weekend also witnessed housing draw. We got almost exactly what we wanted, but noticed that several people set rooms aside with specific criteria to deter others from picking in. This grade-school phenomenon is somewhat akin to leaving one’s jacket on the chair beside them in Art History Class (not as if Sugar or Spice ever do that when the other is running late). Surely it’s understandable when one wants to insure a single-sex suite or has a smoker in the group, but some designations were downright comical. “Loud music” was one, but we preferred “Does not shower regularly,” “Flatulence problem,” “Screamer,” “Barry Manilow fan” and “Wakes up at 5 am to chant devotion to the sun deity.” By now you’re all (hopefully) set for next year’s living arrangements. We’d tell you where we picked in, but that might encourage some unwarranted harassment.

Lately, we’ve been receiving some pretty crazy letters at the Record, namely the deranged musings of someone who is launching a massive campaign to re-circumcise all males. Now that’s a brilliant idea. We have a helpful tidbit for the Einstein behind this one: go see the movie Europa, Europa. Then you’ll think twice.

Also intriguing was some hate email directed to us from a student at Yale. Seeing as Yale’s in New Haven and all, we guess they really don’t have anything better to do over there than to read the Williams Record. It’s sad that we editors have yet to revel in the printed page of the Record while people from other schools do and take the extra initiative to comment on it. We prefer to spend our Saturday nights outside our rooms, but hey, to each their own.

And now, we have some sad news. Please do not read on unless you have a close friend nearby to console you in this hour of true need. “Ellen” has been cancelled.

If only Paula Jones could be cancelled, then we’d all be better off (have you seen some of those close-ups? don’t you think she could cry deviated septum like everyone else in Cali and get that schnozz fixed?). Announcing to appeal the decision, however, Paula asserted, “I have not come this far to see the law let men who have done such things dodge their responsibility.” Just what we need—to see her painful face plastered all over the place again. Isn’t once torture enough?

At least Paula’s not alone in her physiological misery. After a hospital mix-up where she took home the wrong baby, LaDonna Harris remarked, “That baby is ugly. He doesn’t look like my other kids.” Ahh, if only the answer were so easy with ugly people (keep in mind LiarLiar’s ingenious conclusion that “true beauty is on the inside” is just something ugly people say). We could have nipped all of Clinton’s women troubles in the butt long before they ever started.

Well, that’s all for us this week. As we write this we wonder how much of this week’s column will be cut by our censors. Ah, just like our mentor Jerry Springer, we need a Sugar and Spice, Uncut. Toodles.

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