One in 2000: Jake Jeffries

Residence: Williams D

Hometown: Newark, NJ

Possible Major: Ugh.

Hero: My JAs Gillian Weitz and Johnny C. Cavangaugh. They survived a night of utter hell with my Health Center experience.

Ambition: To be a part-time waiter and star in a lot of cheesy infomercials, like Psychic Friends. Why Psychic Friends you may ask? Because it’s a little known fact, but my dad used to go out with Dionne Warwick, so that’s probably my destiny or fate.

Any personal motto or theme song: Dave Matthews’s Dancing Nancies. Because I often think could I have been a parking lot attendant rather than a Williams College student.

Favorite dining hall meal: Chicken Bob Marley ha ha ha ha… no. Actually – the Lucky Charms, but not all of the Lucky Charms just the marshmallows because the oats make me nauseous.

Favorite drink: Right now I have this obsession at the dining hall where I make like a budget Orangina and just use orange juice and sprite. It’s pretty good.

All-time favorite album: Stevie Wonder’s Inner Visions

Favorite Muppet: Well, the muppet I most identify with is Gonzo, just because no one really knew what was up with Gonzo. He was the oddball of the muppet crew. And most people at Williams probably identify with Kermit or Miss Piggy, because you’d find them in the J. Crew or Abercrombie catalogs.

Favorite article of clothing: My velcro sneakers. Hassle free.

Jake, you just finished performing in Lee-Hom Wang’s musical “The Bite That Burns,” tell us about that experience:

“The Bite That Burns” – oh the memories. I think that it was one of the funnest things I’ve ever done, just because there were so many amazing and talented people in the cast. And especially that butler. What superb acting. And it’s not every day that you get to work with the Michael Jackson of Taiwan, so that’s pretty cool. The dressing room stank, though. Oh God. Connie, put some socks on!

Your freshman year is coming to a close and that means you have to deal with housing – how’d you do in room draw?

Being the lucky soul that I am, I got lucky number 13. But to my surprise there was another 0 attached to the 13, so I got 130. So I’ll be playing dungeons and dragons in the odd quad next year. I’ve never played, it might be fun. Actually – our idea was to get a Winnebago and park it in the Mission parking lot, and then just drive around from class to class.

If you could have a monument built to you on the Williams campus, what and where would it be?

Hmm. I think it would have to be a McDonald’s, because no one can live on Lucky charms marshmallows and cigarettes alone.

What would be on the soundtrack to your life?

There would have to be a little Dave Matthews on there sorry – I went to boarding school – it’s like a rite of passage. The song that would most definitely have to be there would be that Celine Dion song, My Heart Will Go On. Not really though – just thought I’d add that. I think I’m the only person on this campus who hasn’t seen Titanic. I’m just not down with the whole Leonardo DiCaprio craze. In all honesty – it would have to the soundtrack to Scooby Doo. And also it would have to be one of the songs from “The Bite That Burns” – Fifty Dollars for an Abortion. Wait – we cut that one out. Ooh – that didn’t sound good.

Gross. Any parting words?

Which came first the chicken or the egg? Ask Lindsay Hatton. This is so much fun. Can I be one in 2000 every week? Dar!

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