One in 2000: Bill Stebbins

One in 2000: Bill “Danger” Stebbins ’99

Residence: Hopkins

Hometown: Scituate, MA

Major: Economics

Hero: Austin Powers. How much sassier can one get?

Ambition: To get the hell out of this place as fast as I can. And to become Ultimate Streetfighting Champion.

Any personal motto or theme song: Eye of the Tiger

Favorite dining hall meal: Some of my favotite ones: undercooked baked chicken, tomato tigers with extra curry, and cold, soaking wet grilled cheeses. Can we move on? This is too painful for me.

Favorite drink: Powerade syrup when the water decides to not come out of the soda dispenser.

Favorite article of clothing: My slinky micropolyester pants. You can touch them, but be gentle.

A person whose life you’d most like to emulate: Bill Clinton because he gets to deliver tuff love to his interns while living in a big house and letting his wife run the country. Also… let’s not forget about Chelsea.

You were in Australia last semester. What’s your favorite memory from that trip?

There’s two. My favorite memories are my intensive semster-long study of narcotics, and better yet, meeting Heather, my girlfriend.

Speaking of your girlfriend, what did you do for Valentine’s day?

I had a fake valentine’s day when I was visiting her at Georgetown the week before, the details of which are too naughty for the newspaper. For the day itself, I mailed her a mug with a picture of me puckered up saying “too hot to handle,”as a joke. I thought she’d get a kick out of it, and it gave me the opportunity to patronize one of the high class mug dealers at the Berkshire Mall.

Bill, you seem to have a lot of nervous energy. In fact, you drum on things. Have you turned that into any constructive activity?

Why yes. I play the drums. Lately I’ve been playing the bongos with my friends. I’ve found a new love for slapping the skins. I wanna give a shot out to my mentor Jon Baldevieso.

And how about the time you spend with the tennis team?

I love all those guys. I’m a little shy about this topic, but I have to say that James Frank has given me enough inspiration to last a lifetime. Through his graceful and catlike movements on the court I have learned that tennis is a gentleman’s game, not merely an opportunity to show off in front of the ladies. His inspiration is something beyond words, intangible, ineffable. I’m sorry I had to do this James. Seriously though, we have the funniest team in Div III. They make Williams worthwhile.

If you had five words to say about Scott Zinober, what would they be?

Most Available Bachelor on Campus.

The Co-op draw’s coming up. Will you be attending?

Seeing as I got 62 out of 68, I’m looking to land pretty much anything I want. A co-op might as well have just fallen in my lap.

Random question time. If you were a power tool, what power tool would you be?

Let’s face it, a jackhammer’s too easy. Are you leading the witness?

Any parting words for your fans?

Peace, I’m out.

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