So it’s Winter Carnival and you’re thinking to yourself, where’s the winter and where’s the carnival, because right now there is a definite absence of both. It would seem unfortunately the snow sculpture building, dog sled dog shaving, igloo building, and Eskimo kissing clinics are canceled due to lack of weather and lack of interest. Really, what is this Winter Carnival nonsense? Is it just me or was it not snowy last year either? Maybe it’s just the weather that makes this event seem a little out of place and dated, or maybe it’s just the event itself. Now using a highly developed skill referred to in the scientific community as “babbling” I’m going to take a look at this here carnival.
For starters I’ll bet most of you didn’t know that the reason there wasn’t actually a carnival is because clowns don’t work in the winter. That’s right, due to some contract that former President Ronald Reagan forced their union to sign right after they went on strike in the mid 1980s, clowns can no longer work in cold weather. First, he fired all the clowns so the air traffic controllers could get jobs in the carnival industry. Then clowns and other carnies (circus people, small hands) got rehired, but not until the spring. Secondly, Winter Carnival is really about skiing, which is the other reason they don’t have any clowns, because let’s face, clowns ski worse than Shamu, the killer whale.
So besides skiing what else was there in Winter Carnival? That’s what I’ve been asking myself and I’m sure it’s what I would have been asking you too, except you weren’t around yesterday when I was talking to myself (thanks for making me look bad). Well not unlike the real Olympics, Moogano had a few cool events, mostly a lot of goofing around on ice. There were some opening ceremonies attended by about three people, or at least that’s what I’ve heard, because I wasn’t there either. And then there were some fireworks to celebrate the fact that the weather’s been lousy, or something like that. Afterwards there was a contra dance. I think it’s pretty impressive that they flew up some Sandinistas and other assorted Latin American guerrillas just for a dance. Personally I gave up dancing with gun-toting rebels for lent last year and I’ve never really gotten back into it since, but for some people I guess it’s fun.
During the day on Friday there were some more interesting activities. That’s right, Moogano was no one-night stand of a Winter Carnival, no way, baby. So (you ask), the morning after the opening ceremonies and a dance with angry, camouflage-clad people what could possibly follow? Well nothing short of the Nordic workers leaving in a bus from Chapin steps at 7:30 am. That’s right, this was truly an international event. Not unlike the real Olympics, we not only had rebels, but some Norse (probably Swedish or Danish if I had to guess) workers too. So after the Nords went off to work, what did the die-hard Mooganoo-er do? Well officially there were a bunch of skiing things, but on the side you could partake of snow volleyball, sumo wrestling, and some origami and other crafts. Really, I wonder how the planners of this event controlled the rowdy crowds, all trying to fold paper cranes at once? It’s almost frightening the number of fun and inane activities that were available for your winter carnival pleasure. And once you had your fill of paper cranes and other intense crafts like lantern making you could play the Williams version of singled out, which amounts to winning a date with someone you don’t know that won’t lead to anything. But hey, most of your life is probably pretty awkward anyway, so why not really make things weird by embarrassing yourself at Chapin steps and maybe winning a pointless date. Oooh fun. But wait, don’t forget lantern relays, that must have been pretty cool, or maybe not. I personally think running with scissors, playing with guns, and charging around with a flame encased in a small, highly combustible package (like say, a paper lantern) is not a really brilliant idea, but at this point you had already danced with some armed military personnel so you might as well incinerate yourself too.
The real meat of Winter Carnival was the events that took place on Saturday. How is that possible you ask? (I hope you’ve noticed that you’re talking to yourself a whole lot.) What could possibly follow all of Friday’s excitement? Well of course the first thing that had to happen was for those lazy Nordic workers to leave on their bus again. Then there was more skiing. But the real heart and soul of Moogano, or of any carnival, was the partying. So Saturday night there were a variety of party destinations, and one for the freshmen too. Once again we, the upper-class community, managed to cordon off the freshmen and force them to have a separate party so we could finish all the refreshments (liquid and otherwise) before they even showed up at the door. Convenient how that worked out, isn’t it? When I was a freshman this made to sense to me, but now that I’m no longer a lowly burger, I see the wisdom of this tradition. Yet like every carnival in history, this one has a few problems, namely the party policy. That’s right, now we’ve packed the Nords off to work, gotten rid of the freshmen, danced with revolutionaries, and made some stuff with paper, can’t we at least have some big parties befitting this grand event called Moogano? No, of course not, because that might involve a dangerous amount of fun. We won the court case, so I think it’s time to break out the universal invites, buy a bunch of kegs and have some whopper parties. Maybe I’m being too simplistic here, but this interim party policy is really not in the spirit of this winter carnival. Moogano was founded on principles of fun and bad weather and I think the party policy should reflect this. Anyway, that’s my two cents. So there you have it, Moogano completely analyzed and a few words on drinking, something I try to work into every article no matter the cost.